You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
