I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
