Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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