I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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