The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
