I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
