LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
