After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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