He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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