I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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