My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
