She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
