i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
