Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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