There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
