Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
