it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
