i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
