Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
