Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
