whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
