I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
