I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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