How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
