there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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