I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
