I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
