i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
