Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
