Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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