haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
