If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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