Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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