I cockslap morals
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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