Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
