lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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