He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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