Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
