Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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