I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize