i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I die, sorry about rent.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
