Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i now understand why vodka
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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