This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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