Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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