Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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