we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
