This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
