I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
