did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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