Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
