Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
