Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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