The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bring me that man meat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
