dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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