i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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