took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
