Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
