Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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