This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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