You can't special order awesome
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
