I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
